YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN...
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House"
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You speed walk in your sleep.
The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hookup.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
You lick your coffee pot clean.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
All your kids are named "Joe"
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
You buy 1/2 and 1/2 by the barrel.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar"
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
Your 3 favorite things in life are: coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.