Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage? They threatened to release one every hour until their demands were met.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.

What does a lawyer use for birth-control? His personality.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.

Why does California have the most lawyers in the country and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.