Q: What is the definition of an engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way. (There is only one way to fold a map!)

1. Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma. (I would go with the RAM every time)

2. You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

3. In college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

4. The sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.

5. At an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

6. You bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.

7. You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

8. You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.

9. You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

10. You sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.

11. You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

12. You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

13. You know what "http://" stands for.

14. You look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.

15. You see a good design and still have to change it.

16. You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.

17. You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.

18. You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.

19. You window shop at RadioShack.

20. Your laptop computer costs more than your car.

21. Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

22. You've already calculated how much you make per second.

23. You've tried to repair a $5 radio.

24. You know every part of a computer & how they all go together, yet you haven't filled the office coffeepot once in three years, citing difficulties remembering the brewing rules.

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.