What did the leftovers say when they were put into the freezer?
Foiled again.

What machine scares the daylights into you?
An alarm clock.

Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
To make up for a terrible summer.

What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles -- because there's a mile between the first and last letter.

What is more blessed to give than to receive?
Advice.

What two words have the most letters?
Post office.