George Carlin Quotes

 

For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity. Also for those of us that are old enough to understand George Carlin! A few statements to ponder...

 

  1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
  2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  7. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  8. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him ... is he still wrong?
  9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  10. Is there another word for synonym?
  11. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?